Robert (65) has just celebrated 15 years anniversary. He is sober for 15 years. Before that he was swimming in alcohol sea, he admits, that he had almost drowned. He wanted to speak openly about his experience hoping that it would help those, who are addicted, to seek help.
Robert feels sad that people are afraid to ask for help, despite the fact that there are various methods to give up drinking.
“Man has to knock firmly on the second chance door in order to open it, but even more firmer he has to knock on the someone’s, who can help, door”,- advised abstainer from Vilnius.
Robert 15 years ago, trying to escape alcoholism, chose psychological coding when during hypnosis session a thought – man will never drink again – is instilled.
Every year he and his wife celebrate this day with a glass of kefir.
Robert also does not forget every morning to thank God for giving him a chance to meet psychotherapist, who used hypnosis to help him and relatives for support.
I was not sure, if former alcoholic could remember the day, when he was about to meet the coder, anyway I asked him to look into the deepest corners of his mind.
“I remember that day like my name”, – Robert sounded a bit offended. I listened to his story which was scarier than a horror movie.
Stuck in the deep end
Robert, who started to drink in his teenage years, did not realize that weekends with a mug of beer could lead to a massive addiction. All his problems seemed to vanish in a good company.
Monday mornings with headache and stomachache became an unwritten rule. The most important thing was to be in work on time – somehow he was managing this. No beer during work days! Well, an exemption could be made if the day was extra hard.
The number of this kind of days was growing every year. Wife‘s tension was growing as well and cozy atmosphere of the house was drowning in tears.
“I have reached bottom, when I could not tell if it is day or night or spot the difference between my son and wife. It had happened circa 2 years before hypnosis session”, – said man with tears in his eyes.
Back then drinking would last not two days in the row but two or three weeks. Robert could not get up to go to work. All he could think was how and where to get a bottle, which, as he was thinking, will be the last one.
He was shivering, hands were shaking and he was vomiting with blood.
“I am thankful to doctors who took me to a hospital despite the fact that I stunk”, – said the man with gratitude to doctors.
Doctors even escorted him to a consulting room where his stomach was emptied.
When he got sober, the wife used to remind him about family and its sorrows.
Why he did not come home? Is he going to wake up? Will he be admitted to the hospital if the cause of his “disease” is clear?
Will he be fired? Will he set the house on fire when he is alone?
“I remember when my wife was sitting, looking through the window and talking about fears she has to live with. That was tearing my heart apart. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up”, – said man.
He understood that he had hurt his family badly but he could not do anything. “Addiction was stronger than me, sometimes it seemed that I was going mad”, – Robert opened up.
He tried to get free
The man decided to not give up. Firstly, he tried various methods himself. He was writing thoughts in a notebook during a hangover. He was thinking that it would help realize how much sorrows this addiction brings.
He has also bought an expensive thing for every month he stayed sober. Unfortunately, nothing had helped to get rid of the poison.
One winter morning, when he was in pain and feeling nausea, the son came and suggested his help: “I will help you but you have to want it.” After long hours of persuading Robert has finally agreed to see a psychotherapist.
Now man remembers the day he went to see a specialist with a smile – he was wearing a suit for special occasions and looked like he was going to his son’s school feast. But it actually was one of the best days of his life – after the wedding and born of the child.
“I was only in one hypnosis session and do not remember a lot. He was talking to me, hypnotized me and consequences I can feel till this day”, – he smiled.
When does a person become addicted to alcohol?
“It does not matter, if it is called moderate drinking on the weekends or if a man misses a day of his job after this kind of weekends, it is psychological addiction to alcohol, the only difference is the stage”, – said psychotherapist Marius Gabrilavicius also known as M. G. Maksimalietis, who has been working in Lithuania and abroad since 2008.
People are different that is why attempts to get rid of this addiction differs. Some think that they will be able to control themselves and for a certain amount of time they do so, others suffer the whole life. What is the reason?
Apparently, it depends not only on motivation but also on the environment and information we get.
“Even if I could use alcohol moderately, I would not do that. This is how patients, who tried my therapy and became conscious teetotalers, feel”, – said M. Gabrilavicius, who helps to get rid of addiction to alcohol by using psychological coding method.
Addicted to soberness
This psychological method is based on hypnosis. During the session a person gets an addiction to soberness program.
“By using the psychological code, a barrier is made which prohibits drinking”, – psychotherapist explained.
The man should not drink alcohol ten days before psychological coding therapy. He should not use caffeine drinks and tranquillizers unless it is necessary.
Psychotherapist explained that preparation for coding is proof for him and the patient that there is enough will. But if an alcohol addict cannot stay sober for 10 days, it means that he is not ready. He is also afraid that he will not have a possibility to drink a glass of wine or a bottle of beer. This indicates a huge risk of breaking the code.
“I try to help people, not for a short period of time, that is why I do not admit people if they could not stay sober for 10 days”, – said M. Gabrilavicius.
In his mind, if all you can think about is thought that coding makes you weak and stand out from others, it can break a person down.
Some people cannot use hypnosis. This goes for patients who were diagnosed with psychiatric disorders. Besides this, people, who came to hypnosis session and after hearing the lecture decides to put off the session for later because he wants to try to deal with it himself.
Those, who are not ready for coding therapy, can come just for a talk. M. Gabrilavicius has noticed that the majority, who have used this privilege, decides to code or comes back later.
Most of the time alcohol addicts think that they can handle it; all they have to do is to take the matter into their hands. But the reality is a bit different, it is not that easy, it requires long hours of work with self.
It is also important to not try to persuade others – husband, wife, father, and children – to try coding. In this case, a person does not have the motivation to live a sober life – hypnosis does not work on him.
“This type of person does not want to get rid of addiction; therefore he will break the code if he uses coding therapy.
In most cases it ends in alcohol poisoning, psychological and physiological disorders”, – psychotherapist explained.
Maybe his piece of advice will sound drastically but it is important to let a person reach the deep end: “If wife, husband, father or other relatives are close and take care of addict, he will feel safe.
Sometimes we have to let him realize that he is a step away from losing all – job, family, health. He will feel anxiety and depression; he will be in pain, left alone and in debts – this would be like a deep end for him.
This picture of the future looks terrifying for alcoholics because safety is a number one priority for them. That is why, if you want to help, sometimes you have to leave this person alone with all his sorrows and problems and watch him from the distance.
But if a person decides to do coding therapy, support from relatives is a good idea.
After the therapy people may face some difficulties as they are not used to this kind of lifestyle – without any alcohol to forget failures which only create more failures and prolong period of sadness.
The beginning is not easy – a person might become irritable, sensitive but after some time everything changes. He starts to enjoy the fact that he can live without alcohol.
People, who have defeated addiction to alcohol, often find new activities and hobbies because their brains get more active.
That is why it is said that these people react to everything more sensitive because they cannot stand all the evil around them.
Man, who started to live a sober life, realizes how much happiness it brings and wants to announce this to the whole world.
-Can an alcohol addict schedule one hypnosis session or has he/she repeat it? – I asked psychotherapist M. Gabrilavicius.
-The code needs to be strengthened when a person starts to doubt himself: whether he will be able to stay sober until the end of the code. The period of the code is determined during the hypnosis session. If a person receives the code for five years and after several years he realizes that thoughts about drinking are arising more often, it is a sign that it is time to strengthen the effect of hypnosis also known as – code.
-Robert told us that for five years code was helping to stay away from alcohol but later he just felt out of habit. Do people see a different life and do not want to go back to the old one?
-There are a lot of examples of people living soberly despite the fact that the period of the code has already ended. Unfortunately, most of the time they go back to their old habits. The one, who had acute alcoholism stage, the rest of his/her life will have to fight off thoughts about drinking. Only the positive information about the long-lasting soberness will give him enough power to stay strong.
-Do other members of a family have to refuse any celebrations with a bottle on a table, if one of them had received the code against alcohol?
-Try to imagine a drug addict, who sits together with other addicts and watches them taking drugs. How does it affect him? A person, who received the code, should avoid gatherings with alcohol. Despite the fact that code itself forms realization that drinking people around are not bothering him, but after some time people get weaker if drinks occasionally get into their sight.
-How do people life change after your hypnosis sessions?
-I know a lot of stories when people, who got rid of alcohol, find activities which were not interesting for them before. They start to grow and prosper, their life gets better and they even cure their illnesses. A story from one of my patients really amazed me. The man used to weight 110kg, had diabetes mellitus type 2, high blood pressure, insomnia and experienced pre-myocardial infarction. After a year of total soberness, he was blissful, during our talk he could not stop joking about his intention to do aerobics, how he lost 28kg and his doctor was surprised that his diabetes did not progress and he did not need to take medications anymore. When he was asked what kind of drugs he is taking to feel good, he replayed: “It is the opposite; I stopped drinking and started to do sports.” That person was sparkling joy and energy and asked me to repeat the hypnosis session.
-Do you have very young patients?
-I work in London as well. There I had to consult parents whose children are only 14 years old and drink alcoholic cocktails, cider every day. I know how psychological addictions form in the human mind, thus it is not a surprise that even 14 years old teenagers are addicted to alcohol. Parents drink alcohol near children, priests compare wine with Christ’s blood and movies show fun parties where alcohol is used.
-Do you code if a person is brought against his will?
-A lot of people come together with a close one, I think, it is because he/she has made a condition – stop drinking or leave or something similar. If a person does not want, he will not be able to change against his will. This kind of humans will probably have to suffer for the rest of their life and will be destroying their family life.